The topic of love is inescapable. Soap operas, movies, poetry, prose, music, advertising, Valentine’s Day—you name it and the subject of love is woven throughout. Love permeates every area of our lives. 

And for good reason. 

Humanity thrives best when love abounds. A life overflowing with genuine love is a life living out its greatest virtue. 

But, really, what is love? 

Is it just a great feeling we have for another person? Or newborn babies? Or puppies and kittens? Is love what we do when someone’s feelings or passions for us are positive? 

Those sudden positive feelings we experience when a person or an animal first comes into our orbit can’t be defined as tlove. 

Those initial sparks of affection and fondness can be euphoric in the moment, for sure, but they are only the seeds of love. These seeds are nouns. True and profound love, though, sprouts from acts of proper care and cultivation, which are verbs. Plant the seeds in your spirit, nurture them and tend to them with consistency; it is then that what you feel can be considered true love.

It is the acts of love, which require effort, that truly offset the initial spark of affections, which are quite easy to experience. Loving acts bring balance to the emotional feelings. 

About that adorable puppy that you “love” so much . . . 

Are you willing to invest an average of 15 years of your life into caring for it on so many levels? Have you considered the time and effort involved in positive potting training techniques? How about providing veterinarian care on a regular basis, and especially if it becomes ill? If you don’t get it another puppy for companionship, do you plan to spend lots of time with it? Do you plan to learn appropriate behavioral training techniques, then invest the daily time and patience to teach them to it? Whether professional or DIY, will you consistently keep it clean and groomed? Will its basic needs such as warmth, exercise, quality food and  plenty of fresh water always be a priority for you? 

Those investments of time, money and effort are the actions that define true love—you truly have love for it because your actions show it. Otherwise, you’re just admiring the seeds of affection. It’s like window shopping—you “love” the item in the store window, but have no intention of saving up to buy it. Likewise, it’s one thing to admire an adorable puppy, but quite another to invest in it. 

Love in Action

One day at lunch I saw my husband pull the largest, most goodie-laden chip out of a pile of nachos, doctor it up some more and, instead of eating it himself, slide it onto my plate while I was across the kitchen refilling our glasses of iced tea. His tea first, and then mine, because for us it’s all about the other one. Our purpose is to bring joy into the spirit of the other. It is what we do. 

It is love in action.

And every night before we go to sleep, my husband fluffs up my three pillows for me. He’s usually in bed a few minutes before me as I finish up my bath, and when I get there the pillows are stacked and perfectly plumped just like I like them. I never asked him to do this—he does it because it’s important to me. 

In the morning I arise first, usually about an hour before him. I walk the dogs just after sunrise so he doesn’t have to. When I get back, I pour coffee into one of his favorite mugs and the dogs and I go downstairs to give him his coffee in bed. Shortly afterwards, whether he comes up to drink more coffee on the back porch or remains in bed a little while longer, I bring him breakfast. He’s never asked me to do any of this, but I do it because it makes him happy and I love him. That steaming mug of joy delivered in the morning sets his day in motion. 

This is how we begin and end our days, and everything in between is the same, like the nachos and iced tea. This is just what we do, and it’s such a regular part of our lives because we’ve done it for years.

It is love in action. 

Selfish vs. Selfless Love 

When spending time with other couples throughout the years, the conversation often turns to the topic of marriage. I’ll never forget the first time I told one couple about how I bring my husband coffee in bed every morning and that he fluffs my pillows every night. I no sooner had said it when the guy turned to his wife and said, “Well, what are you gonna do for me?” He seemed to only hear the part where I bring my husband coffee and not the part where he fluffs my pillows, and this guy’s knee-jerk response was incredibly self-centered. She didn’t respond and we all laughed nervously to smooth out the moment. 

I was so intrigued by his response and wondered if this was just an isolated case of selfishness or if other couples would react the same way. To quench my curiosity, I began starting conversations about marriage with couples of various age groups in order to see how they would respond when I mentioned the things we do for each other in our relationship. Time and time again, to my disappointment, one of the spouses would invariably turn to the other and ask that very same question. 

Then it happened. Just once. The husband of a couple in their early 30s immediately turned to his wife and said the words I’d been waiting to hear for many years: “Honey, what can I do for you?” I don’t remember how she responded, but what I do remember is that as she turned toward him, her face lit up with gratitude, radiating love for his consideration. His knee-jerk reaction upon hearing how my husband and I treat each other was not self-centered, but was focused on what he could do to bring her joy. 

It was love in action, and it was beautiful. 

What Love Is and Isn’t 

Choosing to love others, whether a spouse, family members, friends or strangers is not a means to an end; rather, it is the end, the accomplishment. It is not manipulative or deceptive. It has no hidden agendas. True love for others, no matter who they are, is what we are called to do by our Creator. 

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, the apostle Paul describes love in its pure form: 

“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

Paul defines love with words that require us to take control over momentary fickle feelings. To be sure, patience and kindness are attributes that can difficult to come by in trying situations. They require mindful actions to do the right thing when it would be easier to immerse oneself in irritable or resentful feelings. Love bears, believes, hopes and endures, which are all mindful and spiritual calls to action. 

It’s easy to love those who love us, but to love the unlovable, well, that can be quit the challenge. Jesus addressed this very topic. He said to “. . .  Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you . . .” (Matthew 5:44). Loving those who are difficult to love brings harmony into your life because it spiritually balances you with the desires of God. 

However, loving the unlovable or those who do unacceptable things doesn’t mean you accept their actions. Love is not the acceptance of all things because not all things are good; rather, acceptance is loving others in spite of their flaws, wrongdoings and differences. That is a very real call to action. 

And kindness, well, you may never know the difference it can make in someone’s life. A little can go a long way. Next Valentine’s day take the time to reflect upon opportunities to show love for others. View those goodies in the store as seeds of love waiting to be sown and purchase one for a loved one, then another for someone who’d least expect it. Lavish your spouse or best friend with something that will be special to them, heaping on sincere kindness, regardless of the day’s circumstances. For fun, purchase those little heart candies with sayings on them and leave individual ones on family members’ pillows.  

Note that Paul speaks of love without time restrictions or limits. While love is the focus of Valentine’s Day, for the selfless, balanced person who strives to do the right thing, love is the focus of every day. Often the kindness and patience Paul described requires little from the giver but delivers an abundance of joy to the one who receives. 

For example, perhaps you can rake someone’s leaves who’s not able to do it themselves, but don’t bring attention to yourself for doing it. Or maybe treat a co-worker to lunch—just because. Write a heartfelt note in a well-chosen card for another’s special day. Smile at a stranger on the street or in a grocery aisle. Forgive someone. 

These are all ideas on how to love one another, but, one might ask, how do we show love toward God? Rather than just professing your faith and raising holy hands in a church service, give love to God by your actions towards others. It is much easier to profess faith, but it is more meaningful to act upon the faith one claims to embrace. 

Humanity thrives best when love abounds because it brings us in harmony with humanity. More importantly, though, loving others through our actions brings our spirit in harmony with our Creator.

That is true love.